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About Deviant Member CaseyFemale/United States Group :iconbotdf-jeffreestar: BOTDF-JeffreeStar
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I just reposted chapter five of Redeemer. It's been almost completely changed so that I can do what I want to do in chapter 20. So, if you read Redeemer I would suggest reading the new chapter five, because new things happened that also changed Skuyler's backstory. I'll be updating a few other chapters (less severely) to account for these changes before I finish/post chapter 20. 


This concert was way more crazy and hectic than usual. The fans were all screaming, which wasn’t actually that unusual, but for some reason it was definitely much crazier than our other recent concerts. I mean, there were around the same amount of people that usually showed up for our shows, so I couldn’t really pinpoint what was making tonight different. Maybe they loved the new lights more than our old ones? That would be fucking awesome because we spent a ridiculously long time putting them together. I thought they were great, and I know Dahvie thinks the same. We had new lasers and better strobe lights and everything. We went all out. I thought about it quickly between songs, but forgot about it immediately upon become immersed in singing the next one.

I could see Skuy at the merch table from the stage, and I loved that I could. I liked seeing him smile when Dahvie and I did something stupid up on stage, and I loved the cute face he makes at shows when he realizes that I’ve been staring at him for portions of the songs. He was on his cellphone right now and not looking at us, probably talking to Nada or something. They were good friends and he told me earlier that he was waiting for her to get in touch with him that she was out of surgery, because he wanted to check in on her to make sure everything was okay. We all hoped that everything was gonna be okay with her, and we hoped that she wouldn’t lose the baby.

Ugh. Stop thinking about that right now. Concentrate on the show, dude.

We were almost done with the last set. I was sorta glad about that because I was tired as fuck and Dahvie was being as much of a total lunatic as usual. I was running on empty already today because of all the crap going on with Nada. But soon we’ll be talking to the fans, and soon I’ll be off stage with Skuy, and then soon I’ll be hitting the fucking sack because I’m dead tired.

Right now we're doing 'Happy Violentine's Day.' We’re closing the show with it because it’s been a while since we sang that song, it's fun to play and it fits the occasion because Valentine’s day is tomorrow. Not to mention we got so many people hitting us up on instagram to get us to play it simply because of that final reason. The show being so close to that silly holiday. We sang the last "Na Na Na Na Na Na," and that was the end of the concert.

Dahvie and I went to stand behind the merch table with Skuy, so we could talk to all the fans that came who wanted to stay and chat with us.

He'd sold almost all the stuff we brought to the show, and he was currently texting with Nada like I’d thought. I hoped that nothing horrible had happened. I’m sure everything was fine, but I would make sure to ask later after we’re out of here.

"Jayy! I heard you're dating someone!" Some chick shouted from the back of the seething crowd of teenagers. I saw that Skuyler smirked while still looking at his phone so it seemed like he was smirking at it instead of the girl. But I knew he was doing it at her shouted comment and I chuckled to myself.

"He's in this room," I replied, able to talk at kind of a regular volume because everyone had gotten really silent after she shouted it. 

Skuyler and I had already talked about this a couple days ago, and he said he was fine with me telling the fans because he knew that they’d find out I was dating him sooner or later. 

"Guess who he is and I'll kiss him for you." I saw Skuyler raise his eyebrow a little bit in that “you’re an ass but I love you” sort of way and I (invisibly to the fans) nudged his foot with mine.

All the fans in front of us starting talking loudly again, to the people around them, trying to decide who I was dating. I couldn't tell if there were actually any other guys in here besides Dahvie, Skuyler and myself, but there were usually some guys at our shows so maybe they’d think it was one of them... And Skuyler was looking particularly girly today anyway, so maybe they'd be totally stumped. That would be fucking hilarious, actually. 

I heard someone shout out Dahvie’s name and I could tell none of us were surprised by that. He and I both laughed and Skuy looked up to wiggle his eyebrows at Dahvie, who flipped him off. Sometimes they did that. Had little conversations without actually saying anything. Nobody was even taking a second glance at Skuy, who had now put his phone into his back pocket.

"Come on!! If it’s not Dahvie, who is it?" Another girl shouted for everyone to hear. “We’re dying to know!”

I didn't actually think that Jayy was gonna give in and spill without them guessing who, so I was surprised when he pulled me over to give me that kiss he'd promised the girl. I wondered immediately how many people were taking pictures of this.... because I didn't really like the thought of my face all over Tumblr... But I knew it was inevitable. Even if he hadn’t told anyone, people would have found out eventually. Jay put his arms around my waist and pulled me closer, trying to get me to let his tongue in my mouth. I did. I mean, obviously I did. I’m not gonna pass up the chance to make out with him.

I heard Dahvie say that we were gross, and Jayy laughed and pulled away from me. I pouted and rolled my eyes at Dahvie.

"Love you." Jayy said quietly when I looked at him again.

Skuyler gave me that shy smile of his and did that thing where he hid behind his hair because he was embarrassed. He stuck out his tongue at me briefly and quietly said, "I know."

Then he abruptly let go of me and moved a step back, looking at his nails. Then he spoke up louder so that everyone could hear.

“I mean, you’re a great kisser and all but I think you might have confused me with Dahvie.” He grinned and I laughed. “It’s probably the hair. You might wanna kiss him to make up for the fact that you thought he was me.” 

Dahvie rolled his eyes but I decided to do it. It’s a win-win situation for everyone, really. I get to kiss Skuy and Dahvie. Skuy kissed me and gets to watch me kiss Dahvie - which I know he enjoys. The fans get to know who my boyfriend is, and they get a little Jahvie to go with it. 

After the two of us were done, I clarified that little situation for the fans. Although I’m sure it won’t stop them from thinking Dahvie and I really are together. It was a little funny that some of them looked genuinely confused.

We all eventually left the venue after a wonderful time talking with the fans. Now Dahvie, Skuy and I were at Skuy's loft sitting in various places scarfing down the pizza we'd ordered. It was surprisingly good. In all honesty, I hadn't trusted Skuy's decision to order from this place, because I've always had bad experiences with it... but apparently they fucking loved him because this pizza was fucking amazing! That wouldn’t surprise me if it were true that he got special treatment from the pizza place, though, because everyone loves him.

After about ten minutes when we had all consumed as much pizza as we were going to, Skuyler's phone rang. It was some random song that I swear I'd heard before but I couldn’t place it. He grumbled in an annoyed way and went over to his desk to get his phone so he could answer it.

"Hello?" he came back and sat down next to me. "What?” He sounded confused. “No way. Are you fucking kidding me?"

Dahvie rolled his eyes over-dramatically and mouthed 'drama' at me. I rolled mine right back at him. 

"Seriously, why are you calling? I thought we weren’t speaking to each other ever again?" he paused and frowned. "You can't be serious, I’m not letting you do that."

I really wanted to know what was going on, because Skuy sounded particularly... on edge, I guess, about this conversation.

"How do you even know where---" It sounded like he got cut off. "But---" 

He got hung up on. I watched him glance down at the screen of his phone with a confused look on his face.

"What's going on?" I asked him. He stayed silent for a second, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Uh..." He paused and looked at me. "I'm not really sure yet…?"

"Who was it?" Dahvie asked.

"Well, a girl I used to be friends with, I guess..." He replied. “Before we met, so you don’t know her.”

“But you’re obviously not friends anymore.” Dahvie said. 

“Um, yeah, well… it’s kind of a long story.” Skuy replied, standing up. “I’m going to go call her back and try to figure out what the hell she wants, so… I’ll explain in a minute, okay?”

“Of course,” I said. “Good luck.”

He walked out of his loft to probably just stand right in the hallway and call whoever this girl was back. From the way he said it, it sounded like he didn’t really want us to hear the conversation. 

“What do you think happened?” Dahvie asked me, and I shrugged. I had no idea. 

I went out into the hallway and shut my door behind me, dialing back the number she'd called me from. I didn’t want them to have to listen to me talk to her again, especially because I knew this conversation wasn’t going to be pretty. She answered exasperatedly after it rang for a good long while.

"What do you want, Skuyler?" 

"Look, Alana, don't talk to me like I’m the one that called you completely out of the blue after having no communication for seven years, and then told you that I was coming to stay with you.” I told her. “Because I didn’t, and you should have known that I wasn’t just going to passively go along with this.”

"If I had a fucking choice I wouldn’t have even fucking thought of talking to you again. I need a place to stay and you’re the only fucking person nobody would even consider me staying with. Because trust me, I don’t want to fucking see you again.” She told me, acting like I was the problem, as usual.

"You’re crazy for thinking I’d let you with absolutely no sort of explanation. Especially tomorrow.” I replied. “Because if you’re in trouble I want absolutely nothing to do with it. I really don’t want anything to do with you even if you aren’t.”

“You’re such a pussy, Skuyler. And anyway, I’m not in trouble. You don’t need to know the reason.” She replied hastily. “I’ll be at LAX tomorrow morning at seven, and you’d better pick me up.”
I knew I wasn’t going to win this, I never won fights with her. But I can't have her staying with me. She's just... ugh... 

"I'm not going to—"

"Yes, you are. Just fucking do it. It's two days, and it's not like I couldn't just find out where you live anyway."

And she hung up on me again, laughing.

"God..." I mumbled, going back inside my loft. I sat back down on the couch agitatedly and turned my phone on silent so I wouldn't notice if she called again.

"Alright, dude, explain." Dahvie said, taking a massive a bite out of the final slice of pizza, which he had obviously decided to eat. "Who was it?"

"Okay, well... I'm gonna have to, like, start at the beginning for any of this to actually make sense. So it might be kind of a long story..." I told them.

Dahvie said not to worry about it. They had time and weren't planning on leaving. I told them that her name was Alana, and we first met when we started kindergarten at the same school back in Utah. 

"We were kind of like... polar opposites, in a way. Even in such a young grade she was the popular one and I was the weird kid, and that's how it was for a long time. But despite that we made friends immediately on the first day of school and she was my best friend for a really long time. She was also my only friend. 

"We would go over each other's houses every other day for years. Looking back, I don't really understand why we ever became friends, because we really had very little in common, and as we got older the gap in our popularity got bigger and bigger. So by the time we started sixth grade she was basically queen. People worshipped the ground she walked on. I was more like the outcast, freak scene kid or whatever that everybody hated for a whole bunch of different reasons. What I looked like, what music I listened to, how I talked... a bunch of different shit. I always got picked on in elementary school, and I started getting genuinely bullied in fifth grade. But middle school was when it first got really bad. When Alana was with me people would leave me alone because she told them to, but we didn't have very many classes together so... I dunno. I mean, it was really bad. 

"So during the very first week of high school I decided that I was going to tell Alana about a lot of stuff I had been keeping secret from everybody. Like, how I was gay. I'd known since I was little but I never told anyone. And how I'd been self-harming, depressed, suicidal, and thought I was developing an eating disorder. All that shit. I didn't want to tell anybody else any of it, of course, because I knew they'd all just treat me worse... but I felt bad or guilty or something that I had been keeping all of it from my best friend. 

"I was over her house and when I was just about to leave I told her about it all, and she seemed to be really understanding about it. I was really happy, because I had been terrified that she was going to take it the wrong way."

"So...?" Jayy said. "She reacted fine?"

"Well, yeah. Like I said, she seemed to be understanding." I replied. "But this story doesn't have a happy ending, hun." 

"Right, sorry." Jayy frowned, nodding. "I got a little hopeful for a second. Go ahead."

"It's fine... Anyway...." I continued. 

"I went home later that night and I felt, like, happier than I had in a while because I finally told somebody all these things about me that I'd just been holding in for so long. It was pretty late when I got home, though, so I decided to just go to bed. And I kept my phone plugged in across the room from my bed on my desk so that when my alarm went off in the morning I'd have to actually get up to turn it off. The damn thing kept buzzing, but I was just too exhausted from the day to bother getting up to check it. I knew it would just be notifications from the school blog, because all of the students at our high school were required to have accounts. 

"So I tuned out the sound and fell asleep. I didn't check them until the morning, and notifications from that stupid blog was exactly what they were. Now, it wouldn't have really been surprising to me if it was just, like, a dozen or so people posting things about how much I sucked or whatever, because that already happened. But... there were actually, like, hundreds of messages that people had posted on my profile. All of which I had to read in order to delete them, and by the time I did that they had already been replaced by more. And they were all very... not nice things at all.

"I knew right away why, though, and as you have probably guessed Alana made it a priority to write up everything I told her - as well as a couple of her opinions of me - on the students' forum. So everyone knew about everything I'd been trying so hard to hide, as well as other completely untrue things. And as you can also probably guess, all of the fucking bullying shit escalated immediately to ridiculous levels. 

"But... in addition to posting it on the blog, she decided to also tell my parents. So when I got home from the worst day of school I'd ever had up until that point, I found myself being confronted by my ridiculously pissed off parents. There was also a social services person there, and she was trying really hard to stop them from flipping shit at me. Apparently my parents called the child services department or something because they wanted me out of their house immediately and they were disowning me or whatever. 

"She basically told me that I was going immediately into foster care because it wasn't safe for me to stay there. She sent me up to pack a bag with some clothes and whatever I cared the most about while she went over forms with my raging parents. I was afraid of my parents anyway so I just did what she wanted me to... And I was out the door in less than forty-five minutes and on my way to the house where the foster kids lived on the other side of town."

"All because of this girl?" Dahvie asked. 

"Yeah, basically she turned my entire life more upside down than it already was in the course of... not even twenty-four hours." I paused. "I just kind of... went down in flames after that. It wasn't a pretty sight..."

"So, at what point did we meet you in all this? Meet for the first time." 

"Well, I was thirteen when I got put into foster care, and about halfway through ninth grade I turned fourteen. The woman who took care of all the foster kids before they got put into families got me tickets to your show for my birthday. And you came to Utah like a week after that." I replied. "Right? I remember I got beat up after the show. I think. Yeah?"

"Right, I remember that." Jayy frowned again. "That sucked... Dahvie's body guard had to break those chicks up."

"Yeah..." I said, sighing. "And you guys refused to let me leave and I embarrassed the fucking hell out of myself."

"You did not!" Dahvie laughed. "Dude, you were chill."

I rolled my eyes. "No way, Dahves. I was a fourteen year old fucking scene fanboy, and I was literally so far gone on drugs that I barely remember anything that happened." I said. "It was really bad... but, like, I guess that now if anybody asks you can totally say that once somebody actually bled on the dance floor, huh?"

Jayy actually cracked a smile at that, and I was happy for it. I didn't want him being upset because of things that happened to me. Dahvie, on the other hand, gave me the biggest fucking eye roll and simply said, "Dude... no."

"So... What did she want then, Skuy?"

"Apparently she's in some sort of trouble – she refused to tell me what – and she's arriving at. LAX tomorrow morning and expects me to get her and to let her stay here." I replied. "And I didn't say yes... but she's still going to show up."

"All the more reason for us to stay over tonight, then." Jayy stated, glancing at Dahvie. "You don't go pick her up, and if she actually follows through and comes here, then we'll step in and get her to fuck the hell off."

"I... I guess... I just don't see why she thought it would be okay to..." I ran my hands through her hair. 

Jay put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. "It's gonna be fine, Skuy. We'll take care of this, okay?"

"I... yeah..." I said slowly. "I mean... I hope..."

"And Jeffree's coming too, man. She's won't get a step through the fucking door."
Redeemer, Chapter Five
New, updated chapter five! I had to make a big change in what happened in this chapter in order to support chapter 20, so please read! Also, Skuy's backstory has changed a little bit because of this too. I'll be updating chapters six through... Maybe eight or nine just a little bit so I'll repost those as I finish them.

I hope everyone likes the changes, and please comment and let me know what you think!

BOTDF/Jeffree own themselves.
Skuyler and Alana belong to me, so don't steal!
Just so anyone who cares knows, I'm working on the 20th chapter of Redeemer. It should be up soon if I keep on track with it and don't get too much homework this coming week. I'm also going to be changing the earlier chapter/s that involve Skuy's mom and sister coming to stay with him. I've planned something to happen involving Skuy's birth fam in the next chapter, but I just realized that it's going to require Jayy not knowing any of them... So instead of scrapping my idea (because I really want to do it) I'm just going to rewrite those old chapters and have something else happen. So if anyone has any ideas feel free to let me know. 

I'll also try to update more often, but it just depends on school. It's my senior year, and it's very important to me to do well in school. And if I have the time I'll try to maybe start a new story or something. 

Jayy Von by Xxbotdf-lovexX
Jayy Von
I think I spent the most time on this that I've ever spent on a drawing ever. I started it in school one day and I didn't get it to a point that I felt like it was done for months. It was kind of ridiculous, and of course it looks better in real life. But I'm pretty proud of it, and I plan to get Jayy to sign it once I go to another BOTDF concert. 
(Once my scanner works again I'll put a better picture of this up.)

Drawing belongs to me, Jayy belongs to himself.
Ideas by Xxbotdf-lovexX
On vacation this year I did a lot of drawing, and this is the one I feel the best about posting. I was trying to draw my cousin Hannah's dad, Matt, but his head was giving me trouble. So I decided that since he has given me so many good ideas and so much good advice over the years, I'd try to portray that by putting a lightbulb instead of his head. He liked it, so I guess that's good. :XD:

Drawing belongs to me, Matt belongs to himself.


United States
Name: Casey
Age: 16
Gender: Female/fluid
Stuff: I'm a lesbian. I'm an Atheistic Satanist. I live in Massachusetts. I love a million different bands, books, movies, shows, etc. And at the same time, I hate everything. I don't really have any friends in real life. I'm in 12th grade and I go to a vocational high school. I draw and write and it all sucks but whatever, as long as I'm happy with it.

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emosapien-x3 Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2014  New member
Your webcam gives me so much joy omg cx
Xxbotdf-lovexX Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2014
Haha thanks! Same for me :)
emosapien-x3 Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2014  New member
GothicNarcissus Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for the :+fav:s! :hug:
Xxbotdf-lovexX Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2014
You're absolutely welcome! I was inactive on my old account, where I followed you, and it turns out I missed a whole bunch of stuff! I'm glad I checked in and re-watched you here! :hug:
OneTwoPew Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
thanks for the watch (:
Xxbotdf-lovexX Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2014
You're welcome! I was following you on my old account (Reffeik), which I've become inactive on... so I wanted to re-follow people I actually cared to see the deviations and such of haha (:
OneTwoPew Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Ahh it's you haha hey again xD
fair enough thanks (:
Xxbotdf-lovexX Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2014
Haha hey there (:
No prob xD
PepstarsWorld Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014  Professional Artist
Thank you for the watch! :hug:
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